See the Contrast…?

I often find myself struggling. Actually, who the hell am I bullshitting. I am constantly struggling.

I was born creative, an artist – so yes, I am fucking emotional and extremely sensitive. I am also a very grounded Taurus, so I’m not the erratic or dramatic types. I don’t cry for nothing, am ridiculously understanding and tolerant and patient. To the point where it drives me mad. See the contrast?

I love being a bull for the insane strength that it’s given me – emotionally and mentally. But when it comes to heart matters, I’m the biggest loser there is. See the contrast?

I feel so deeply and connect so quickly with people – even strangers. I am moved and touched and hurt and offended. I take everything too personally. I take things to heart. I feel enough pain of my own, I don’t know why I need feel other people’s pain! I can’t separate myself from them. See the contrast?

I love my country and it’s people as much as I have no faith in them – they make my otherwise positive outlook on life, rather grim and negative. See the contrast?

I am patient but I want it now.

I am surrounded by people but lonely.

I am constantly grateful but somehow still unhappy.

Something’s always missing. And I’m running out of ideas. How do I fill the hole? Does it ever get filled?

I wish I was emotionally cold and dead. No feelings. No love. Just a ‘whatever’ attitude. I want not to feel. I want not to give a fuck. But I can’t, because I do feel, I do care and I do give a fuck about everything and everyone, all the time. See the contrast?

Dec, 2016.

Your Expectations…

I don’t talk much,
Not about the past anymore,
Not about how X hurt me, or that I went through Y,
I don’t speak of all the pain, struggle, the number of times I have wanted to end my life, end it all for good,
But that doesn’t mean I’m over it,
That doesn’t mean I don’t feel,
That doesn’t mean I don’t know your pain,
That doesn’t mean anything.
Stop your mind from jumping to conclusions,
Stop your ego from judging me.
My story is mine, I will share it if I need to,
And I’d only need to, to help lighten your load.
I don’t need it to hold grudges or blame,
To whine or stay stuck in a moment long gone.
I don’t need to prove the tons of things I’ve gone through,
I don’t need your sympathy,
I won’t explain myself for your egos satisfaction.
Free me from your expectations,
Because I won’t, I absolutely won’t live up to them.
– Ramona Arena, 3rd September, 2018.

We

This magnificent power of love

This bond so solid

This coming together 

This oneness.

No matter what we did  

We’re beyond the things we said

There’s a deep, unshakable connection 

Held together by more than thread.

Rooted in our core,

The way we feel,

Everything else is truly trivial

We transcend all physical boundaries.

How can I even begin to explain?

What the wisest of sages can’t fathom

You and I – the inseparable ‘we’

Are a force with which they reckon.

– Ramona Arena 2016.
16th March 2016.

The Healing

We’ll be healed

We’ll be fine

Once we’re done

With all the cryin.

Cross the days

Count the nights

This very darkness

Will be our light.

I feel the future

Together life renewed

We’ll get through this

Just me and you.

-Ramona Arena 2016

Communicate…

Am I meant to speak through thoughts divine?

Am I meant to limit myself to words?

If I speak through my heart

Will you hear me clear?

Or must I resort to using hands and eyes?
There is no bottomless pit.

Even the ocean has a floor.

So why fear the unknown?

All that is meant to be revealed,

Is unfolded, inevitably!
So come, my dearest love

Lay with me

Among the dandelion meadows instead.
-©Ramona Arena 2016

Our Abundance!

There is a place

Where you and I will soon meet again.

Eyes fixed upon each other,

Relieved with gratitude.

For we have found with and within ourselves,

The divinity of eternity

The sanctity of commitment

The answered prayer of love.

And so, we stand intoxicated.

Deep in the familiar embrace,

Of a hundred thousand lifetimes,

Where we are safely back home at last.

This, is our blessing called abundance!

-©Ramona Arena 2016

Come home.

Come hither,
My foolish one.
So lost and confused
Is your mind.

There is so much love,
In the depths of your heart.
Let it out,
Instead of serving prison time.

Words of mine,
You can see and hear;
But it’s imperative in them you trust,
For you to stand straight up again,
Come, use me as your crutch.

Why fear that bit of dependency-
When all it does, is make things better?
You’re no less of a man,
For taking my hand.
Let me in, let’s do this together.

Come close my genius,
My fragile one.
I know you want to give.
I’m reaching out with all I have,
Please give us a chance to live.

-Ramona Arena, 18^th October 2015.

The Surprise Ingredient

I’ve been placed on the board,
Of tender, sweet wood,
As the Global in your hands
Shines sharp as it should.

I’ve been patted and rubbed
Just the way you visualised,
In innocent surrender
I lay there tenderised.

A fine professional chop,
Look at the knife go,
Julienne or perhaps brunoise,
Or just go with the flow!

It’s amazing you know,
This chunk of flesh,
No matter how hard you pound,
It grows back with resilience & strength.

Hope is pointless
It stops you from living
Isn’t the point of love
To be selfless and giving?

It has ceased to feed fragility,
This thing called hurt.
What’s the point of cleaning up,
If you never get close to the dirt?

Maybe I should be wreathing in pain
Maybe I should be crying again,
But these days all I can do is laugh,
Cuz if you wanted this, would you really let this pass?

Fear can only be overcome,
When one realises trust.
Things happened for a reason,
Things will be as they must!

As you sit so far away,
Thinking of the right thing to do,
Remember Love is just one ingredient,
And for it, there is no bigger fool.
-RAMONA ARENA 2014.

Too Much to Handle?

I’m not promising that I’ll be easy to be with.
All I can promise,
Is that I will love you,
Like no other can or ever will.

That you’ll revel in every minute of the fact,
That my hand is the only one clasping yours.

That I’ll be the sturdiest path you’ve ever set foot on,
And with it, I’ll be the silence in the chaos, you struggle to seek.

I’ll be the voice of honesty,
Without caring if you can’t stand my song.
I’ll smother you in affection with attention,
Constantly in public, and at home.

I’ll be a ride so crazy,
You’ll have had your fill of theme parks.
I’ll be the dance of motivation and lazy,
For the battery of your happiness,
I’ll be your permanent recharge.

It’s easy if you really want,
All you have to do is let go.
Of everything and everyone,
That’s done and dusted, years ago.

The mind is a tricky place,
It festers and likes to breed.
My heart is your saving grace,
Don’t be a fool, just heed.

But remember this clearly,
Remember this straight,
I won’t stop living,
Cuz you keep me on wait.

Whenever you’re ready
To behave like man
Despite all my shortcomings
To love me as I am.

Pick up the phone,
The move lays in your hands.
I’ll be everything you’ve prayed for,
With a bonus of good madness, for all your lifes’ plans.

– RAMONA ARENA 2014

You.

You’ve been calling my soul,
I’ve seen you follow the footprints I’ve left in the sand,
I’ve heard you whisper my name through the mist of the milky way,
I’ve seen you in the morning rays of the sun,
Hitting my eyes first thing each day.

You invite me into your world
But the doors are shut with bolts of fear.
You ask me to sit down,
On sofas that have lost their spring and shape.
You offer me a drink
In a glass that’s as clear as it is opaque.
I’m grateful for the rose you gifted me
The one you needed to take back because it had a few thorns.

The beauty of it all,
Is that I see you.
I don’t just look.
I see through you
And feel everything you’re thinking.
And it’s okay.
I have no place else I’d prefer to be.

There is no judging, no opinion, no frustration.
Only understanding and patience, that have never come by this easy.
Is this what unconditional love is?

You’re trying to run as fast as you can,
But you’re only looking back.
Yes, I can see that your bags are packed
But here you are, still staying put.

I still see you,
Frantic and nervous.
Do you see me?
Serene and still?
You run circles around the moon
But you can’t dodge my smile of earthed steadiness, of planetary stubbornness.

-RAMONA ARENA 2014.