See the Contrast…?

I often find myself struggling. Actually, who the hell am I bullshitting. I am constantly struggling.

I was born creative, an artist – so yes, I am fucking emotional and extremely sensitive. I am also a very grounded Taurus, so I’m not the erratic or dramatic types. I don’t cry for nothing, am ridiculously understanding and tolerant and patient. To the point where it drives me mad. See the contrast?

I love being a bull for the insane strength that it’s given me – emotionally and mentally. But when it comes to heart matters, I’m the biggest loser there is. See the contrast?

I feel so deeply and connect so quickly with people – even strangers. I am moved and touched and hurt and offended. I take everything too personally. I take things to heart. I feel enough pain of my own, I don’t know why I need feel other people’s pain! I can’t separate myself from them. See the contrast?

I love my country and it’s people as much as I have no faith in them – they make my otherwise positive outlook on life, rather grim and negative. See the contrast?

I am patient but I want it now.

I am surrounded by people but lonely.

I am constantly grateful but somehow still unhappy.

Something’s always missing. And I’m running out of ideas. How do I fill the hole? Does it ever get filled?

I wish I was emotionally cold and dead. No feelings. No love. Just a ‘whatever’ attitude. I want not to feel. I want not to give a fuck. But I can’t, because I do feel, I do care and I do give a fuck about everything and everyone, all the time. See the contrast?

Dec, 2016.

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Your Expectations…

I don’t talk much,
Not about the past anymore,
Not about how X hurt me, or that I went through Y,
I don’t speak of all the pain, struggle, the number of times I have wanted to end my life, end it all for good,
But that doesn’t mean I’m over it,
That doesn’t mean I don’t feel,
That doesn’t mean I don’t know your pain,
That doesn’t mean anything.
Stop your mind from jumping to conclusions,
Stop your ego from judging me.
My story is mine, I will share it if I need to,
And I’d only need to, to help lighten your load.
I don’t need it to hold grudges or blame,
To whine or stay stuck in a moment long gone.
I don’t need to prove the tons of things I’ve gone through,
I don’t need your sympathy,
I won’t explain myself for your egos satisfaction.
Free me from your expectations,
Because I won’t, I absolutely won’t live up to them.
– Ramona Arena, 3rd September, 2018.

We

This magnificent power of love

This bond so solid

This coming together 

This oneness.

No matter what we did  

We’re beyond the things we said

There’s a deep, unshakable connection 

Held together by more than thread.

Rooted in our core,

The way we feel,

Everything else is truly trivial

We transcend all physical boundaries.

How can I even begin to explain?

What the wisest of sages can’t fathom

You and I – the inseparable ‘we’

Are a force with which they reckon.

– Ramona Arena 2016.
16th March 2016.

The Healing

We’ll be healed

We’ll be fine

Once we’re done

With all the cryin.

Cross the days

Count the nights

This very darkness

Will be our light.

I feel the future

Together life renewed

We’ll get through this

Just me and you.

-Ramona Arena 2016

Communicate…

Am I meant to speak through thoughts divine?

Am I meant to limit myself to words?

If I speak through my heart

Will you hear me clear?

Or must I resort to using hands and eyes?
There is no bottomless pit.

Even the ocean has a floor.

So why fear the unknown?

All that is meant to be revealed,

Is unfolded, inevitably!
So come, my dearest love

Lay with me

Among the dandelion meadows instead.
-©Ramona Arena 2016

Our Abundance!

There is a place

Where you and I will soon meet again.

Eyes fixed upon each other,

Relieved with gratitude.

For we have found with and within ourselves,

The divinity of eternity

The sanctity of commitment

The answered prayer of love.

And so, we stand intoxicated.

Deep in the familiar embrace,

Of a hundred thousand lifetimes,

Where we are safely back home at last.

This, is our blessing called abundance!

-©Ramona Arena 2016

Come home.

Come hither,
My foolish one.
So lost and confused
Is your mind.

There is so much love,
In the depths of your heart.
Let it out,
Instead of serving prison time.

Words of mine,
You can see and hear;
But it’s imperative in them you trust,
For you to stand straight up again,
Come, use me as your crutch.

Why fear that bit of dependency-
When all it does, is make things better?
You’re no less of a man,
For taking my hand.
Let me in, let’s do this together.

Come close my genius,
My fragile one.
I know you want to give.
I’m reaching out with all I have,
Please give us a chance to live.

-Ramona Arena, 18th October 2015.