See the Contrast…?

I often find myself struggling. Actually, who the hell am I bullshitting. I am constantly struggling.

I was born creative, an artist – so yes, I am fucking emotional and extremely sensitive. I am also a very grounded Taurus, so I’m not the erratic or dramatic types. I don’t cry for nothing, am ridiculously understanding and tolerant and patient. To the point where it drives me mad. See the contrast?

I love being a bull for the insane strength that it’s given me – emotionally and mentally. But when it comes to heart matters, I’m the biggest loser there is. See the contrast?

I feel so deeply and connect so quickly with people – even strangers. I am moved and touched and hurt and offended. I take everything too personally. I take things to heart. I feel enough pain of my own, I don’t know why I need feel other people’s pain! I can’t separate myself from them. See the contrast?

I love my country and it’s people as much as I have no faith in them – they make my otherwise positive outlook on life, rather grim and negative. See the contrast?

I am patient but I want it now.

I am surrounded by people but lonely.

I am constantly grateful but somehow still unhappy.

Something’s always missing. And I’m running out of ideas. How do I fill the hole? Does it ever get filled?

I wish I was emotionally cold and dead. No feelings. No love. Just a ‘whatever’ attitude. I want not to feel. I want not to give a fuck. But I can’t, because I do feel, I do care and I do give a fuck about everything and everyone, all the time. See the contrast?

Dec, 2016.

Your Expectations…

I don’t talk much,
Not about the past anymore,
Not about how X hurt me, or that I went through Y,
I don’t speak of all the pain, struggle, the number of times I have wanted to end my life, end it all for good,
But that doesn’t mean I’m over it,
That doesn’t mean I don’t feel,
That doesn’t mean I don’t know your pain,
That doesn’t mean anything.
Stop your mind from jumping to conclusions,
Stop your ego from judging me.
My story is mine, I will share it if I need to,
And I’d only need to, to help lighten your load.
I don’t need it to hold grudges or blame,
To whine or stay stuck in a moment long gone.
I don’t need to prove the tons of things I’ve gone through,
I don’t need your sympathy,
I won’t explain myself for your egos satisfaction.
Free me from your expectations,
Because I won’t, I absolutely won’t live up to them.
– Ramona Arena, 3rd September, 2018.

Open Up

Rules are meant to be rewritten

Theories are meant to be challenged

Conclusions are meant to be incomplete

Cuz the finite ain’t finite

And things ain’t what they seem.

 

Questions aren’t meant to be answered

Discovery is meant to be on-going

Seeking is to be an eternal quest

Cuz the finite ain’t finite

And we manifest that of which we dream.

 

It’s round, it’s square,

It’s here, but it’s also there

The dress is blue and the dress is green

Screw your illusions, I see the real deal

But the finite ain’t finite

You’re beyond all you staunchly believe.

 

Yeah the finite ain’t finite

Look beyond all that you perceive.

 

– Ramona Arena 2016.

Life…

And remember –
there is only one permanent thing in life.
It’s called change.
Everything you believe,
Everyone you know -including yourself,
Will change.
And the best part is –
All the years of your youth you spent breaking your bones,
Will count for nothing
Because you will be in therapy –
Completely lost,
For you’ve been forced to unlearn
All that you were tormented to learn.
Ahhh change.
Ahh life.

-Ramona Arena 2016

 

Inspired whilst reading John White’s poem ‘Dear Youth’.

Butterfly

Butterfly

Butterfly

When will you die?

This freedom that you think you found

Is nothing but a lie.

Butterfly

Butterfly

Do you feel lucky that you’re alive?

Fluttering around

Showing off your beauty,

Pity it’s only outside.

  • Ramona Arena 2016.

 

 

Shut Up Already!

They said the early bird catches the worm.
But who are they?
And why should their truth be my life story?

Words are all we have had to express ourselves.
And despite a million synonyms and such,
We are trapped and bound by how limiting they are.

I’ve come to realize,
Through life as I philosophize.
There is but one reality.

So pure and so true,
Nothing need be named.
Words are only for the deaf
As colors are for the blind.

‘Feeling’ is the gospel truth
Through music, dance & frame.
Touch, glances, moments, chances,
Convey what you can never say.

To feel so deep,
You didn’t see yourself bleeding,
To feel so much,
You won’t care about healing.

This minute, this second,
This smile, this tear
I never want to hear about it,
Just let me feel it’s real.
©RAMONAARENA2014

The Idiots’ Guide To Me.

My smile is for you to understand
My cheeks are for you to cup with your hands.

My eyes are for you to see the reflection of my perfection
My hands are your eternal reassurance, beside you in every direction.

My ears are for you to nibble on and tease
My lips are to comfort you and put you at ease.

My song is for you to hear and know.
My heart is for the seeds you want to sow.

My trust is a gift for you to celebrate
My happiness is yours to creatively elevate.

My mind is for you to appreciate and excite
My body is yours to devour till I die.

– RAMONA ARENA 2014.