See the Contrast…?

I often find myself struggling. Actually, who the hell am I bullshitting. I am constantly struggling.

I was born creative, an artist – so yes, I am fucking emotional and extremely sensitive. I am also a very grounded Taurus, so I’m not the erratic or dramatic types. I don’t cry for nothing, am ridiculously understanding and tolerant and patient. To the point where it drives me mad. See the contrast?

I love being a bull for the insane strength that it’s given me – emotionally and mentally. But when it comes to heart matters, I’m the biggest loser there is. See the contrast?

I feel so deeply and connect so quickly with people – even strangers. I am moved and touched and hurt and offended. I take everything too personally. I take things to heart. I feel enough pain of my own, I don’t know why I need feel other people’s pain! I can’t separate myself from them. See the contrast?

I love my country and it’s people as much as I have no faith in them – they make my otherwise positive outlook on life, rather grim and negative. See the contrast?

I am patient but I want it now.

I am surrounded by people but lonely.

I am constantly grateful but somehow still unhappy.

Something’s always missing. And I’m running out of ideas. How do I fill the hole? Does it ever get filled?

I wish I was emotionally cold and dead. No feelings. No love. Just a ‘whatever’ attitude. I want not to feel. I want not to give a fuck. But I can’t, because I do feel, I do care and I do give a fuck about everything and everyone, all the time. See the contrast?

Dec, 2016.

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Cryptic ?

Grey clouds thickening

Umbrellas forming shapes they were never meant to

Women holding down skirts

It doesn’t rain anymore-

The Monsoon hail is relentless.

Desperate for a breather from brutal summers

They prayed to their thousands of righteous Gods

Ready to believe the fictional tales the gentle breeze told

It was a sign.

Welcoming blessings of change

They danced promiscuously

Dedicating songs of sleaze and seduction

To the holy ones

Swearing to protect their integrity, for this boon bestowed.

The winds grew into a force unfathomable

So strong,

You can barely take a step,

Let alone gyrate.

Those that brave the storm

Lay pelted and bruised

Against the synthetic pride

Of forged hearts

Of carefully indoctrinated minds.

Every bovine now holds a Carte blanche

Bogus gratuity and loyalty

Appeased imbeciles are gullible

The daily hurricane gushes on.

-Ramona Arena 2016.

 

 

 

Shatter

I live in a world

Of depressed souls

Where everyone seeks

And no one knows.

Questions never answered

Feed the hollow within.

Is there any point to morality?

May as well indulge in sin.

Why am I alive

When I don’t want to be?

Why introduce me to hope?

Have me tormented on repeat?

Is there any more truth

In a canine’s eyes

Than the broken soul

That hides behind smiles.

-Ramona Arena 2015.

I was built for bigger things

Than loving some man,

Taking care of him,

Living, sharing, traveling, creating together…

Well. That’s what they all say.

 

But they don’t know that you’re not just ‘some’ guy.

That I don’t need bigger things.

That I have no direction to follow, if you aren’t my home.

That ambition, achievement are repulsive & futile,

Never a compromise, nor option when it comes to us, to our love.

-Ramona Arena 2016.

From my heart to yours…

Stand under the rays

Of the sun with open arms.

Surrender with eyes shut tight,

Heart open wide.

 

Let the light of purity,

Heal every nook and cranny;

Evaporate anything that lays buried or hidden,

Which is no longer of benefit to you.

 

Let the light of love

Fill any holes

Without even letting you know,

They were bare

 

Let the light of forgiveness

Beam upon you kindly

As you allow the light,

To penetrate your soul,

Purify your mind.

 

Release it all,

With deep breaths of sweetness,

Everything you possess,

Except the peace

Which causes you to smile within,

Even though you deny it.

 

Accept the love,

Dance in the blessings.

The sun shines for you dearest,

With all her might!

Get drunk with gratitude

Let it be your light,

So even if the sun does set,

You’ll sail through every tide!

Shams and Rumi.

Page 192, Shams (The Forty Rules of Love – Elif Shafak)

 

They say in life, someone needs to come along and make you realise what your full and complete life has been missing all this time. Like a mirror, that reflects what is absent rather than present, this person shows you the void in your soul that you’ve resisted seeing so far.

But what matters most, is finding the soul that completes yours. Seems this is what all the prophets advised: Go find the one that will be your mirror.

Shams was a mirror for Rumi. So, as I was reading this passage, it suddenly dawned upon me. I have been Shams for a lot of people, and I have had a few Shams come into my life. But these are passing ones. Where is’the one’?

According to my interpretation of this, ‘the one’ can only be one with whom you have a constant Shams and Rumi situation. I realised, I have finally found ‘my one’. I am his Shams, and he is my Shams. I mirror in him what is absent, as he mirrors in me what is absent.

Glory be to The One! Whatever you may call Him – God/Love/Creator/Universe/Father/Giver/Truth/Compassionate/All Knowing/All Seeing/Eternal/Omnipresent/Just… Glory be to Him for showering upon me this wisdom. The wisdom to interpret this so. The wisdom to have recognised this, and the wisdom to be patient enough to allow my Rumi, to look into that mirror and finally see that the Shams he has been achingly longing for, is right beside him, for eternity.

The depth of this love is indescribable. This is truth. Just as you grow, you need to be able to help your Rumi grow. Growning together, rising together in ways that can be so different individually, and so soul shattering but it is always beautiful regardless, for you are always together. With this mirror, you are constantly reminded of 2 things:

  1. You must grow, as you acknowledge what you lack
  2. You are never alone

 

My problem is, I am too direct. Perhaps like Shams of Tabriz in a way, but I’m sure he had smarter ways of communicating directly – I  perhaps comes across as harsh or blunt; like I’m launching an attack – which certainly is anything but what I want to do. And so here, my Rumi becomes my Shams – teaching me that I must be more clever and have more tact, when it comes to communicating and dealing with people.

May every living soul on these earthly planes experience this divinity, for love can never be more pure. This is an eternal love. Not meant to be understood, nor necessarily accepted by your closest ones. But you don’t need anyones’ approval. This is YOUR love – no explanations, no justifications. It can make you feel everything and nothing. And thereby, complete.

 

 

***This is my interpretation of this passage from ‘The Forty Rules of Love’ by Elif Shafak. I may be wrong, but this is something that resonated and pulsated very strongly through me as I read this. So strong was it, that I could not even finish reading the chapter. I felt the need to share it, so here we go. Feel free to discuss this. May you find your Shams and Rumi in ‘the one’ mirror. Stay blessed, Ramona. xx***

We’re Alive

Nevermind what you said

Nevermind what you did

Honey, I choose love.

 

Nevermind what happened

Nevermind what we had to go through

My love, I choose us.

 

Here and now

I stand with faith.

For You and I,

A path illuminates.

 

All is forgiven

For there is only love.

All is forgotten

For we are intoxicated with love.

 

We’ll get through all the moments

Of nail biting anxiety,

As the action movie of our lives

Will bring more challenges, I guarantee.

 

So flow into me, my darling

Together life has begun

We’re alright, we’re alive

We’ve survived, we’re eternal love.

 

-Ramona Arena 2015.

 

27th December.