When you stand,
But each time you do,
Life smashes your knees.
When after grueling therapy sessions,
You finally manage to take those first few steps again,
Only to find a cane made of the finest teak,
Flying right at you, faster than a Concorde.
If it’s shame on me if you fool me twice,
How is one expected believe again?
How many times is enough?
Why bother trusting again?
Again. Yeah. I’ll say it again-
I’m fragile as fuck.
After all the constant knocks.
You knew. Yet you swore. Because you knew.
And then this.
I never asked to be a fighter,
I don’t care if you think I’m strong.
Hear me proper. LISTEN clear this time.
I am weak; I am a repulsive mess.
Are you still proud of me now? Oh wait..
You only were, when it suited your mood anyway.
You threw me into a burning hell
Where I’m numb with indifference,
Yet feel every insignificant thing with such deep intensity
That constant pain is my new found heart beat.
There is no point to anything.
Truth is a relative joke of convenience.
Take a knife, rip me open
And finish what you started.
I just want to be forever numb,
Let patience keep fucking itself over.
-Ramona Arena 2016.