Why is it so hard for me
To break through these walls of denial.
Why can’t I see they are only made of paper,
Why does it seem impossible for me
To allow myself just a tear?
Must I always resort to intoxication
To let loose or a find a momentary escape?
Why do I have to hide behind words
And filters that conceal my lines,
The story hasn’t even begun to be told,
But the end is clearly in sight.
If only I could shake the truth I know, out of me
Like the falling leaves of October.
Would it be so thoroughly shattering
To accept that I still miss you?
Could the vulnerability reveal a comforting shadow?
Could the weakness reduce me to a baggage tag that reads ‘fragile’?
Either way, this debate of submission,
Is a sweet pain I’ve grown to love.
It’s the oxygen in my lungs
That keeps me alive,
In the same way,
That it allows me to disintegrate until mortality claims my soul.
-Ramona Arena 2014.